Archive | December, 2010

Silence

9 Dec

I’ve been thinking more and more about silence lately. It’s a concept that has never really been welcome in my life. I’m afraid of silence – not between people, but between my own chest and around it. I’m afraid of the silence at night, when I’m getting ready for bed; or the silence between my bed sheets; I’m afraid of the silence that can bring out all manner of thoughts. But as of recently, I’ve been giving silence more room to grow, looking after it with some newfound tenderness, watering and feeding it. I’ve neglected silence, ignored it is perhaps more accurate, and let it shrivel into something ugly. If you carry around ugly with you for too long, you begin to feel unworthy of even yourself – of your thoughts, your feelings; emotions begin to take a hint of bitterness. So I am taking better care of silence, with trepidation certainly, and with apprehension towards its self-perceived “dark side,” but I am also learning to love it’s peculiarities, and looking forward to the day my silence grows into something beautiful that I can pridefully carry around with me, instead of the shriveled thing in my pocket.