Archive | February, 2011

Advice to the advisor

8 Feb

My advisor sucks. So I just emailed her a third time:

Dear [Advisor]:

The previous two times I have emailed you regarding help with advising I have not received any response. I am aware you have office hours, but they aren’t always convienent to my schedule, and I am of the type who likes to plan my meeting times so as to maximize everyone’s time. Thus, a response to my emails would be a start.

Justin Olson

The Future’s Not What It Used to Be

7 Feb

I’m obsessed with the future. I’m obsessed with how I can control the future right now, in the present. This concept probably isn’t groundbreaking to anyone. But really, I can’t seem to stop thinking about it. This is probably due to the numerous options I have in life; most of them are options I probably would rather not have, truthfully. But I’d rather too many options than no options at all (they’re both paralyzing, aren’t they?). Even if all the options further categorize me. Every life choice we make is something of a cage in that it narrows our lives. I hate looking at life this way, but it seems true. Perhaps this is the lure of travel, of the American obsession with being ‘on the road,’ where we can again reopen our lives, we can see vast expanses of land and realize we are part of it; we can watch sunsets splash across our eyes and remember that we have a part in that vision, too. That we are not what we have constrained ourselves into; our boxes we squeeze ourselves into everyday are really so much larger.

So every decision I make in regards to the present further maps my future. If I was in a car and decided at the last moment to take a left instead of a right it might mean ending up on an entirely different coast; everything different. But even if I kept on the same street and just decided to pull off or stop for a while, I might miss something or someone who could influence me greatly. Or, who might show me the error of my path, or the validity of it. But really, none of these hypotheticals matter. It’s not worth second-guessing any decision already made (for that’s not what I’m talking about anyway). My feeling of decisions are that they are what you wanted to do at the time, otherwise, you wouldn’t have made that decision; so no regrets.

I’m obsessed with changing my future, like a mad scientist experimenting with his life. I’m infatuated with not caging myself, but with seeing myself as part of the world, and witnessing the world and being in the world, and not in a box – no matter how large. I don’t know how to make any of this happen, and really, it’s all philosophy, but I do know one thing: my future is made in how I handle the present.