Archive | April, 2012

I used to be a female African American…

13 Apr

So I “stumbled upon” (bad pun, I know) a site that asked for my birthday and would then give me my past life report. Clearly, I had to give it the old college try (who couldn’t?). Here’s who I used to be (note: All I can say is that my current life makes so much more sense now!):

“I don’t know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation [Really, I feel fine about it. Water under the bridge, you know?]. You were born somewhere in the territory of modern South Africa around the year 1575. Your profession was that of a writer, dramatist or organiser of rituals. [Some things never change. No matter how many bodies you inhabit.]

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Ruthless character, carefully weighing his [I’ve apparently switched to male here] decisions in critical situations, with excellent self-control and strong will. Such people are generally liked, but not always loved. [Tell me about it.]

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your lesson is to combat violence and disharmony in our world, to understand its roots and origins. All global problems have similar origins. [*religion*cough*greed*cough* Done. Now what is my lesson in life?]

[Best part of the analysis is when it asked:] Do you remember now?”

I obviously do. This explains my need to chant around my apartment (seriously). I picture myself as a strong women – kind of like the main blue girl in Avatar. Frankly, I took no shit, wrote amazing things [that were burned by dictators unwilling to hear the truth], then was murdered because I was considered a goddess (but not after having my own child – wow, think on that concept for a minute. What if my own chain has come to America. And like, my great-great-great-great-great grandson is like, Obama or… Shaq. ¬†And yet, my grandson is older than ME! Kind of blows your mind, doesn’t it?

Thank you mysterious site for letting this get too out of hand.

Now it’s time for an Eggo Waffle.